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Ah these games that we play, they are so taxing. Was I critiquing a RL experience? Where does art start and fiction end? Are not they one and the same? That is, fantasy is reality when we chose to make it so. You know this well. Plus when we each recount our lives, what is told is only our projection, not what really happened. This is why when two or more people recount the same story, there comes about different tales. You reflect only what your own eyes see, what your own heart feels. Now should you say Rhiannon's Master takes her name and gives her the new one, "angel" without a capital. This somehow doesn't fit all that you have told. There is a ripple in the fabric. This might just be in your telling of the tale, or that everyone who reads it does not know of your experiences. Or it might be a result of others being able to see in pictures (both word pictures and photographs) what you do not see. For when we look at life it is much like looking at art; i.e., we bring to its interruption our own experiences.
Of course you are at liberty to call Rhiannon whatever you desire. It is more interesting that you should see yourself as both an angel and a devil, both good and evil, one who sets traps for men. Why are not you setting traps for women, too? In my experience if one is bisexual the traps they set are for either sex.
But what I wonder most about, which is something I see missing from you tale, is a deeper passion, something beyond the pure physical relationship. You mentioned bonding but what about love, that raging passion between hearts, minds and souls? Where is the love? Is it growing? Is it gone. Is it dead? Do you not know where it is?
Of course this is none of my concern, really. I'm more concerned about my own life. But in reading various journals, I was struck by the rather mundane matters most people are writing down. At least you are experimenting with erotica and your real life and what you write does overlap. There is always overlap in fiction.
Even in the wildest tales of elves and dwarfs, of witches and warlocks, of vampires and vampiresses there is overlap between the real and the imagined. After all we can only write about what we have experienced either in our lives or in our imaginations.
In this regard I just want to suggest that you write what is in your heart. Speak of why love hurts, especially when it is not returned. Speak of how you feel when you touch someone deeply and to the degree that they share their feelings with you, speak of this. Then the traps you set, so to speak, will be ones from which none can escape. As it is the webs you weave might catch a few flies or gnats, but the butterflies are going to get away.
I see it like this, we each have our light and dark sides, the angel and devil you say are part of you. These aspects of our character may be expressed through the roles we play, and may be accented by the love or hate we make. If you love with passion you will be loved with passion. If something is missing in a relationship which does not bring out the most in you, then that is a sign. So I said throw Master Justin a bone. Do you know what I meant by this?
I meant feast upon life's delights and let him have the bone for a change. In other words turn the table around. Role playing sometimes is most fun when the roles are reversed. You should not always be the one getting the bone, being the discarded toy.
Ah, but who am I to say what might be best for you. That is not what I meant to be doing. Rather I'm just throwing out suggestions. At least I bothered to read some of what you related and offered my two bits. It doesn't matter if you take it or leave it. I don't want anything from you. Certainly not to be your Master. I could never really love a woman who did not have that inner strength to demand that she be given the dignity, respect and, yes, love that she deserves. So if you can't throw someone a bone when they treat you like shit, it shows a flaw in your character (just from my point of view). This does not mean it is a fatal flaw. But you might want to consider working on this, as if you want to be happiest, you are going to have to throw that bone sooner or later. Otherwise you will always just be someone's toy, to play with and discard, without daring to love. For even the strongest Master must dare to love and risk his heart; otherwise its a one way relationship and I've been in enough of those to know they don't get you anywhere.
Anyway ... that's my two bits.